The second stop of our expedition had us venturing to one of the most exciting scuba dive destinations in the world. Having just completed my SSI Divemaster training, all while running a full-time business and planning this expedition—I was also certifiably cooked. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping me going as we boarded the plane to Malaysia.
Our plan was to dive the Semporna archipelago as our first destination outside of Australia. There was nothing that was going to stop us from beginning this international expedition and certainly nothing could delay our departure.
To get to the Semporna archipelago, we had to take multiple flights, car transfers and boat rides, all extremely challenging crossings on unpaved roads and through ocean chop. During Divemaster training, I had genuinely pushed my body to the limits and felt myself deteriorating with every bump in the road. By the time we pulled into the dive deck at Scuba Junkie—our incredible diving partner that has built their operation to put ocean conservation first—it was clear that something was seriously wrong.
Trying to go through the motions, my lower lumbar muscles were strained and aching. Within a matter of days, my lower back, hips and thighs were so tight, I could hardly move. Hobbling around the tiny island of Mabul amidst some of the most spectacular ocean views, the overbearing pain was consuming me. It was only then that my reality set in. I was in no shape to dive, travel or be in a foreign place. And after this arduous trek to one of the most incredible dive locations on the earth, one I’d be dreaming of for years, I would be forced to turn back.
While we debated “to go home, or not to go home,” my mental state was in just as much of a rapid decline as my body. I had been planning this expedition for months, so the thought of going back to Australia was hurting me even more than my back. Scuba Junkie SEAS—the conservation arm of the dive operation—was led by a charismatic woman named Rachel Johnson. She was basically acting as a fill-in best friend, making sure that I was ok every step of the way.
Thankfully, I got to shadow her quite a bit, since I wasn't able to dive—learning about their turtle nesting and waste management projects. I also spoke with the local dive crew about the “Zero to Hero” program. Scuba Junkie was well known in the region for taking untrained locals with no ocean backgrounds and transforming them into Divemasters, with many becoming life-long conservation allies to the center. Given how epic things were on land, it was hard to imagine what was beneath the surface here on the edges of earth.
I desperately tried to maintain my energy and keep it together—at least hoping to scrape by and pick up the pieces of what was left for our Malaysia plans. As time progressed, it became apparent that my situation was more grim than I had originally anticipated.
By the time we touched down in Australia, I was completely unable to walk. Over 50 days went by, with most of them being sleepless, exhausting and painful, as I was suffering from a severe, acute lower back sprain. The only feeling that I can remember from this time was the debilitating muscle spasms that felt like my bones were about to break from hip-to-hip. With the genuine inability to sleep due to pain, I was left for hours on end with nothing but my inner thoughts. Yikes!
When our bodies are distressed, our mind can do crazy things. It can convince us of the worst, alter our entire state of being and keep us unwell if packed with too much negativity. The truth of my situation was that I spent most of those 50 days letting the negative take the wheel and steer. I didn’t know how to handle the pain or how to stop asking myself unproductive questions that stunted my ability to heal.
During this time, I had to learn one of the biggest lessons of my adult life: how to embrace the bad, just as much as the good. Not everything is going to go our way. Crazy things tend to happen when we have the most at stake. The “Plan-A'' that we had in our minds might not have been the way things panned out. While deviations can be hard, it’s necessary to accept them in order to push through the tough situations that are bound to pop up from time to time.
Every week that passed meant more of the expedition canceled. The one thing that started to help me see light at the end of the tunnel was allowing myself the time to truly rest. I was finally able to eliminate stress and unburden myself from wondering why this happened to me. When I finally let go of the “why me”, deep meditation allowed my entire existence to take a much needed break. That’s when the recovery began.
We are prone to running ourselves into the ground. We believe we need to take on the world in order to be successful (especially us Americans). We play so many roles and wear so many hats. As someone who lives life ONLY in the fast lane, my injury gave a much needed reality check. If we can’t accomplish everything we’ve always dreamt of in record time, that’s fine (and normal). If we toast ourselves in the process like I did, we might not have another chance to see those dreams come true.
To get me to stop moving, my body did the only thing it could: it completely shut down. Learning to listen to our bodies, know the signs and understand how to handle pain when it shows up makes life a lot easier. However, we don’t have to let ourselves get to the point in which I’ve been describing to learn this lesson. We can incorporate the best practices to keep ourselves healthy every day. And doing so will make the impact of an injury far less severe when it does inevitably happen.
Having all the time in the world, alone with my thoughts, I uncovered that finding the silver lining in everything is key. In our relentless pursuit of dreams, it's vital to remember that one of our greatest assets is our health and well-being. It’s critical to harness that inner strength and make every moment count, ensuring our dreams don't become the very things that hold us back.
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